


Clark Just Needs To Catch A Break And Bruce Wants To Catch A Speedster (And Possibly Kill Him)

by Gothic_Lolita



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Barry has no boundaries whatsoever, Bruce WILL defenestrate Barry, Cockblocking, Cockblocking Barry, Crack, Cuddles, Fluff, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Low-key bi Barry, M/M, Superbat can't catch a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11193846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothic_Lolita/pseuds/Gothic_Lolita
Summary: Clark and Bruce are having the perfect romantic day in, but a certain annoying speedster has to ruin it.





	Clark Just Needs To Catch A Break And Bruce Wants To Catch A Speedster (And Possibly Kill Him)

**Author's Note:**

> The cockblocking episodes are back, bitches! So sit back, and enjoy! I was going to write yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and the- you get the point. But I have a very angsty idea and I'm conflicted to write it. So I decided to bring the cockblocking back! Yeah! Seriously though, Barry's a minor dick.

Clark sighed, content. He cherished these moments. He and Bruce were in his cramped apartment, cuddling on the couch, and watching horror movies. It was serene, despite the dramatic chords and sinister scenes on the television they watched. They were currently towards the end of Insidious Chapter 2, and it was midday of a dreary Sunday. The freezing weather poured down onto the sidewalks of Metropolis, giving the perfect excuse for a movie marathon day.

Once the final credits rolled across the screen, Clark shifted to get up, but Bruce grunted and pulled the kryptonian back. Clark chuckled.

"You know, when we started seeing each other, I never would've guessed you to enjoy _**cuddling**_ so much." Clark said softly with a smile, running his fingers through Bruce's hair.

Bruce snorted. "You're one to talk. Besides, cuddling has scientific benefits. It increases oxytocin levels, which lowers blood pressure and reduces the risk of heart disease." Bruce said coolly.

Clark laughed outright. "Cover it with science all you want, _**Batman**_ , but you like to cuddle." He teased.

Bruce glared. "Shut up, Kal." He said, with absolutely no heat behind it.Clark smiled and gently kissed his batty boyfriend. He truly lived for these moments. Moments where they got to be a normal couple. When they didn't have to be Batman and Superman, or Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent. But when they could just be Bruce and Kal, two men, who loved each other.

The kiss deepened, and Clark felt Bruce's calloused hand slid up his back. Clark sighed into the kiss and caressed Bruce's hip, half wondering whether or not the should move this to the bedroom.

But of course, by the very definition of Clark's luck, the moment screeched to a halt when they were interrupted by Clark's door flying open and a red blur speeding across the room. 

The Flash, Barry Allen himself, slid to a halt almost tripping (Barry never was very good at stopping) over himself. "Hey Supes, I-" He said excitedly and full of energy, but his voice screeched to the same halt his feet did when he saw the image before him. Clark and Bruce together, on a couch, too close for it to be platonic.

Barry stood there motionless, a statue of shock. "I- holy shit." He breathed, then refilled with all of his energy, now driven by shock. "Superman and Batman?" He nearly shrieked. "No way man, no freaking way!" Barry laughed. "Dude, I can't believe it! Son of a bitch! You two-you're..." Barry was cut off by his own fits of laughter.

"Allen." Bruce growled in a warning tone, his eyes deadly, but it didn't slow Barry down. "How long? And how did you get together? Who else knows?' Barry rambled. "Damn, I'm telling the whole League!" Barry declared, his voice exuberant.

"About a year, chance circumstances, none of your concern, and like _**hell**_ you are." Bruce ground out, seconds away from attacking the speedster.

Barry whistled and laughed again. "Like hell I'm not! Dude, Diana is gonna love this! And Hal too!" He said grinning.

Clark finally spoke. "Barry, Bruce is right. You should keep this to yourself, we would prefer to keep this to ourselves." He chided politely, trying not to kill Barry, not for the same reasons as Bruce, but instead for ruining Clark's perfect day with his boyfriend.

Barry snorted and pulled out his phone, his fingers flying across it's keyboard. "Too late man, I'm texting them right now."

Clark had to psychically hold Bruce back. "I'm going to fucking defenestrate him." Bruce growled.

Clark tried to sooth his livid boyfriend. "Shh, Bruce. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea. We've been together a year, it's about time we start telling people." He said, trying to calm Bruce.

Bruce opened his mouth to retort, but Clark silenced it with a chaste kiss. Barry whistled from where he was standing.

"Now _**there's**_ some hot action and I _**definitely**_ don't mind the front row seat. If you two ever feel like exhibitionists, feel free to call me over." Barry said with a snort, in a tone that Clark couldn't decide was joking or not.

 Clark was grateful for his invulnerable skin, as he could feel Bruce's hands clench out of anger hard enough to bruise at the least. Clark gently rubbed Bruce's hip, trying to calm the Caped Crusader. He wasn't sure if it was working or not.

"Barry, I'm not even going to acknowledge that statement. Now could you please give us some privacy?" Clark asked as evenly and politely as he could manage.

Barry snorted. "Of course, I'll leave you two lovebirds." He said with a wink. He quickly left the apartment. "Don't forget to use protection!" Barry shouted, then slammed the door shut behind him and sped away.

Bruce growled. "I wasn't kidding when I said I was going to defenestrate him." Bruce muttered.

Clark sighed. "Well you can defenestrate him _**later**_." Clark soothed. "For now why don't you pay more attention to me?" Clark whispered in Bruce's ear. 

And he did.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot express how excited I am to use the word 'defenestrate' in my work. I feel very sophisticated. (I say as I listen to a song called Dirty Mind) In other news, I pissed off my girlfriend, so RIP my soul. (My notes are becoming like diary entries, good god) Also I seriously hate the ending to this, it feels meh.


End file.
